Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Episode 34: Relics Of A Prostitute

Anyone visiting my house would find no explicit clue to hint at the kind of work I do. A pack of condoms, a bottle of spirit and half life cigarettes are items to be found on the coffee table of many present day women of my age. Personally though when I look around I see items not obvious to others but which remind me of my past and present life. Like most people I have over the years unconsciously kept mementos of low intrinsic but high sentimental value. Only recently did I consciously look at the items and saw in them signposts of a journey I have taken in slightly over two and half years.

If I were to assume a curator’s role and exhibit the items I would call the show Relics Of A Prostitute. In the explanatory note I would say the exhibition partially depicts the good and the bad of prostitutes and johns alike. Here are some of my souvenirs:

Blue Pant With Laces (Faded)
- I wore this pant many times when practicing at the Sabina Joy. However I can’t recall if it is the same pant I wore on the day I broke my second virginity to become an outright prostitute. It has a gray smell which makes me light in the head and reminds me of the dirty, tattered mattresses of the short-time rooms at the Sabina Joy. Though I have disposed many pants over the years, I somehow can't let this go.

Talking of pants I have two sets. One composed of brightly colored pieces which I wear to work, and the other of cool colors which I wear when off duty.  I keep the blue pant among the work related set. If pants talk I feel my pioneer blue pant has a lot to teach my present collection which is used to cozy beds.

A White Note - I spent two days with a man holed in a hotel. When I woke up on the third day I found a note on the bed written “You are nice". He owned me some little cash.

1000 Shillings Note (Fake)
- This was a case of deal which was too bad to be a lie. A man had picked me from the Street and drove aimlessly around town insisting on paying me 500 shillings which I considered to be too low. I got irritated and asked him to let me go. That is when he abruptly said he would double the money for a very quick session in a downtown hotel. When we were finished I literally snatched the money from his hand and walked away. I only realized the note was fake when my local shopkeeper pointed out.

Like they do in bars I have written Fake and stuck it on a wall in my house next to the window. Nowadays I smile when I remember the man, but as ironical as it may seem, it took me a week after being conned that way to overcome the nasty feeling of being 'used'.

Court Fine Receipt - A pair of police arrested me on a Friday night as I was coming from a session in a hotel opposite Jeevanjee gardens. They seemed under pressure to have the numbers and would not take a bribe. I spent two days in the cells and Monday morning I was charged with being drunk and disorderly which was a better accusation as compared to prostitution. The fine was 300 shillings. A colleague bailed me out, and the yellow receipt ended between the pages of my King James Bible. The bible was a gift from a British client. “You need this more than I do" he said, using the classical movie star line. Yeah, I being more of a sinner.

Sedative (Fake) - I was sold the powder substance by Cheupe after a smart sales pitch during my first week on the Street. She talked of being ready to seize opportunities. But it turned out to be some silly powder which turned the color of wine blue rather than knock a man off. It was more dangerous than an actual sedative because it was an instant give way. Luckily I had an understanding go happy diplomat as my would be victim, and not a big headed today-you-will-learn-a-lesson frustrated mid thirties man.

Wallet and Passport Photo Of A Woman and A Girl
- See Episode 33: Mea Culpa. This is still haunting me.

Millie Jackson Tape - I pinched this from a flamboyant client and love it so. He played it on the stereo of his car as we drove to a hotel.  He carried it to the room, and seeing an opportunity I could not resist taking it. The tape has such relevant hits as All The Way Lover & Cheating. I miss the man.

A Green Plastic Key - A client gave the key to me. He claimed to have bought it from his pastor for 1000 shillings. The key is supposed to open the doors of life. “I have opened my doors" he said. “You should open yours too”. It’s my good luck charm, and I carry it with me always. Forget the doors of life.

Hotel Receipt - I asked a client to let me keep the receipt of the most expensive hotel I have been to. I use it to fantasize of the day I will go there alone.

The list is endless and I continue finding myself with odd items I gather during my work.


Meanwhile what has been keeping me busy among other things is an e-book I am working on. It will have photos of some of the above items, illustrations of some of the present (and future episodes), photos of some places I have been to, new writing, more personal insights and lots of other stuff. This also might be the point where I might (or might not) reveal myself. My wish is to have the book out in less than ten days, but then it depends on my fortunes since I have discovered good graphic designers are very expensive. Perhaps I should sell the book in advance at a low price to facilitate the process, or give my all on the Street, fund it from my own pocket then dish it out free of charge as the last chapter of my peculiar brand building exercise.

-You can get my ebook which includes an introduction cum update of my brand building, Episode 1-30 and selected comments. Just click on Ebooks above

-Follow: Twitter: @suenairobi
           Facebook: Sue Maisha



  1. Its nice to have memorabilias, They remain us where we have been and where we are and possibly where we are heading.

  2. Can I get a copy of Millie Jackson/ I love that woman.

  3. Prostitution is a journey... Not a destination.

  4. i dont just understand this girl...maybe a reason why i always read the posts!

  5. Are you telling me his drink actually turned blue? Girl, count your blessings!

  6. You a a great writer and narrator.
    I swear you are a lady of substance

  7. you do have something incredible in you!

  8. @ now sue sounds like Jolly a prostitute I once picked at simmers in the third quarter of 2009. She had specs, very green on the streets probably, told me she lived in dandora phaseIII, took her home, had sex but she didnt ask for money. I gave her fare back...sometime in november same 2010, she texts me n tells me shez been nabbed by kanjo. I sent her some cash...haki sue unaeza kuwa Jolly??

  9. I swear Sue is sooo fake and my hypothesis is that this is nothing but a group of people with a clever strategy of making money.Here's my evidence.

    1. Sue says she badly needs a laptop but somehow she doesn't want to sleep with a man for it. Now I offered to give her a fairly new HP G72 which costs $729 but she declined since I wanted my share of fun. If she sleeps with men for as low as 1K, why would she turn down an offer of a massive 50K?

    Please note the issue of sleeping with readers and it being awkward doesn't arise since whenever a man picks a langa he certainly knows the dangers involved including drugging etc etc.

    I'm sorry Sue but I ain't falling for your cheap lies. This is a group of people with a well orchestrated plan to mint money from a gullible public. No one will buy your fcking E-Books kenyans like free things.

  10. @ Anon..ati 50k? Very interesting. Still I think you misunderstand 'Sue'. A basic lesson in marketing is not to sacrifice your brand for short time (literally) gains . I guess she the brand is about making money in other ways other than sleeping with the likes of you. I would buy her ebook. I actually offered her a small donation in return for the one she is giving free.She is yet to reply to me..Sue you there?

  11. @Anon 6/28 9:10PM
    I think Sue is clever enough not to give you a chance to expose her real life identity. Now that she admited to be complicit to a rather serious crime (using a substance to immobilize and steal) it would be a very foolish thing to do. And somehow I get the impression that the free e-book is for free, don't know why ^^. She has a very decent Google Page Rank and Alexa rating - which I think is already worth way more than your "massive" 50k.
    Robert M.

  12. Your writing is something special.....

  13. Hi Sue. Just thought I'd toss out a few ideas on the publishing front in case you haven't heard about them.

    Check out student graphic designers and illustrators if you haven't. They'd be willing to do what you want for a cheaper price generally, but you could still get quality work. You just need to make sure they stick with their deadline if they're in school though.

    If you want to look into having your book in print check out Lulu.com. Sometimes their formatting can be a little off. It's free for you though!

    For eBooks there's a few different places that'll let you self-publish, Amazon being one of the best known, to look at (here's a great link I found): http://askville.amazon.com/sell-ebooks-amazon/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=2277616. A google search will throw up some other places I'm sure. There's also free places for eBooks like Project Gutenberg.

    To the Anon complaining about her not wanting his laptop with strings attached. Just because you're offering doesn't mean she's going to be interested.

  14. Please let us not be pedestrian about this matter. And if Rachael and company care to see the comments are getting thinner and thinner as more and more people realize this is nothing but pure crap.

    Let me put this into perspective, Sue's core business is sleeping with men in exchange for cash. So what's preventing her from sleeping with more men to get more damn cash to hire a designer? She wants her readers to contribute something small probably via Mpesa and then give her a free laptop.

    There are soo many loose ends in Sue's stories and her new begging mission has clearly outed her. I ain't giving her a penny...period. Here's the deal Sue;prove your aunthenticity and you have a fcking laptop free of charge. Otherwise continue bitching about cyber cafes and expensive designers.

  15. Sue DONT DONT GIVE YOUR BOOKS FREE of charge. Whether real or alien you are talented and you should make money from your writing, if you are not already doing it. I have been reading this blog faithfully though I don't comment much. I will buy your books. That said it sounds as if the blog is coming to an end. Have you achieved what you set to? People talk of Relics in the past tense.Then this line is a give away.."or give my all on the Street, fund it from my own pocket then dish it out free of charge as the last chapter of my peculiar brand building exercise...".

    That said if you are yet to get a computer I run a cyber cafe in town with excess capacity. You can spend the whole day there for a week with no strings attached. The 50 k laptop guy dont you think the deal sounded too good and she became suspicious ?

  16. I almost forgot. If you are not the one behind that Sue animation clip making the rounds on the internet you need to start suing people. If you are behind it then ur into something really really big. Check your email.

  17. nice piece you got...keep up,,,

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  19. @the lap top for sex guy...shove it!! @sue keep writing and wachana na hao ma-hater

  20. @...Luckily I had an understanding go happy diplomat as my would be victim, and not a big headed today-you-will-learn-a-lesson frustrated mid thirties man...

    I'm guffawing. Polite request; Pant=Pair of pants. Pliiiiz.

  21. Anonymous leave the poor woman alone. You obviously still want her despite your tantrums. why else would you keep reading? Sue wachana na yeye he probably aint worth 5 bob.

  22. Laptop guy this, laptop guy that. He's not real and probably not worth $5. At least I put a deal on the table.Well ladies and gentlemen I demand transparency and if our good Sue can prove her authenticity she's got it FREE.

    And It's not about wanting Sue...far from it, There are so many high class langas at my disposal. All I want is to join the dots. Over to you Sue, prove your authenticity and you've got the freaking laptop FREE.

  23. To the anonymous up there who thinks its a group of pple out to make money, why do u still read? why are u still here? teremka na mabumps..

  24. Sue you should you should be proud at all these comments...they LOOOOOOOOOOOVE you...

  25. Yes, people are realising it's a fake. Haven't our politicians taken us for enough of a ride, or must I put up with it from my choice of entertainment too? Whether fake or not, it is an enjoyable read- I just do not like to be lied to once again! Sue is fake!

  26. Somehow I still believe Sue is real, but as a professional psychologist I think she is very disturbed at the moment. Little things in her writing tell me so. Her talking of relics was a big hint that she maybe caught between quitting and staying.

    On the other hand if she is not real, then she must have credited one of Nairobi's most interesting urban myths of late. I salute her. I still read her post faithfully and sure as hell will buy her book if she sells it.I would be hesitant to say she is fake simply because she declined sex for a laptop. Dig deeper into prostitutes and you will know how complex and weird they are.

  27. @Laptop guy (he he he - I like that name) - What's so different about what Sue is doing relative to the hundreds of hours of movies and novels that you have watched and read in your lifetime? I couldn't care less if Sue is the alter ego for a high flying executive in Nairobi or is like you stated, a highly functional team of fiction writers. As any Kenya would say, "me I like sana sana."
    @ Sue - Lakini, kwani how big is your handbag? I am thinking that in addition to all your memorabilia you still have room for the obligatory can of mace and those "Michael Jackson" pills that you talked about.

  28. @Sue, I will definitely buy your book, I always look forward to your posts and feel sad when I don't find new ones. Keep up the good work, and remember to build a brand you need both the haters and the followers...

  29. Honestly,I believe this woman is original.you can't fake this stories so well.she is a real talent and telling her real life stories so beautifully gives me the impression that,some decisions she has made in her life is worthy of writing.I love her writing.I am hoping I can write about my life experiences the way she does.I will not criticise her because she is a prostitute.people do worse.Sue dear,keep your head up and I believe you will go places.thank you.I hope we become friends and get to meet someday.goodluck

  30. Hey Sue,
    I think i don care who writes the blog but its fantabolous.....
    I got an Amazon Kindle that i don use after i got an ipad e-reader which i thnk works better...
    I don wanna meet you in life but i have done several ebooks on IT... I can offer an ebook software that is easy to use and do-it-yourself publisher....
    I can offer the kindle for use to test the ebooks compatibility which you can return if you so wish n doesn end up in your memorablia.... Give the G4S adress u want, i don wanna meet yu in person n i don want any financial gain....

  31. hi gurl, from what i`ve read, its obvious that running around in the streets is quite hard work! so my suggestion is this, why dont you and one or two girls hookup and start offering "massage" services just like the girls on www.hookup.co.ke. or www.nairobiraha.com... coz from what i`ve heard from these girls , they make 3k to 4k (or even more} daily and in the safety of the hotel/ lodging rooms plus the safety of never being short changed coz the guys who visit such places are quite well to do guys( but do i say. LOL) some of these girls dont even know how to massage coz most of the clients usually just want "extras" i.e straight sex. this is just a suggestion and not a judgmental opinion.

  32. Laptop guy, si you post in your real name plus your mugshot so we know you're real too. hot so we know you're real too.

  33. u should have put pictures of these relics :)

  34. Wow! Thank you for all the comments. Interesting indeed. I will respond to them a little later as I plan to be responding to some of the comments. " Laptop guy" no hard feelings. @ Anonymous with ebook software please email me: maishanairobi@gmail.con

  35. For a guy who has been with langas from new aden through sj, f2, f1, k street and everywhere in between and beyond, Sue is are a real langa, the way you tell these stories can only have come from a woman in these places and experiences...keep writing, its authenticity and philosophy is deep

  36. What happened? Did the blog die and no one told me? I have been waiting for next post for weeks!What happened? Did the blog die and no one told me? I have been waiting for next post for weeks!

  37. so u were the girl i hammered 8 times at sj and kept wondering y u didnt change pants? hope u can now wash ur pussy clean coz it smelt lyk a rotten rat........lol, but sj still needs u........mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

  38. It is smart of Sue to rejected the laptop. If it is worth that much and he was giving it for free, what would stop him from installing a hidden tracking software that not only reveals her location but also records videos and takes snap shots of her from the webcam and emails them to a specified address? Thats more than a string attached!

  39. Sue,...luv your blog...u hus telling it like it is.....


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