Monday, February 28, 2011

Episode 16: Why I Became A Prostitute - An Attempt


Often I am asked by readers of this blog  why I chose to become a prostitute. And quite a number of times I have set out to write my reasons for choosing to engage in this particular kind of  pleasure business. In all the occasions I have stopped after the first few sentences; and this time too I might be in for another futile attempt. The question as to why I am a prostitute arises mainly from the fact that I have admitted to having a relatively good education, which according to many could be put to better use in  the loop; some formal 8 to 5 till 55 employment cycle, rather than in an illegal trade where the advantage of having read many books is hard to pin down. If like a number of my colleagues I had talked of having not more than seven years of education, a high school pregnancy or other such tale of woe and poverty no one would be asking why. However that is not the case.with me.

Many times when writing I am in a soul scratching state; and when writing about why I became a prostitute I find myself  not able to relate to tales of misfortune and a poor background. Its not surprising then, a few sentences later I realize I have no explanation that is  'acceptable' or 'good'. Yet society requires the choice of  prostitution as a way of earning a living to be justified, and not just by anything that comes out of the mouth, but by some very specific reasons. This is unlike in other careers, for instance accounting, where a generality like," This is something I always wanted to do" sounds rich enough to explain professional choice . In prostitution such would hold no water, what with sex work being a 'crazy' high risk and 'dehumanizing' career.

So what led me to prostitution? The easiest thing for me to say is that after college I couldn't get a job and with bills to pay I had no option but to sell my body. But that, to a large extent, is a lie. True, after college I didn't immediately get a job, but so did many of my classmates, yet they did not jump to prostitution instead opting to survive and persevere until they got  'proper' employment.  I also know I didn't look for decent work hard enough. I only made some few applications and didn't wait for all the responses from the employers before I hobnobbed to the SJ where I got hooked, literally. Courtesy of my ego and the reality of the work, I would be hesitant to say I was destined to be a prostitute or worse still admit that I choose prostitution because I was lazy, wanted freedom and having it easy. The same way I woulnt say, as some readers have suggested, I am in it because of a sex addiction; As interesting as it is, sex does not stimulate my mind enough to an extent of getting addicted.

Seeing that, for now, I don't have a simple,clear reason which can qualify as 'acceptable',  and  because for once I want to try conform and satisfy society a little bit, I will assume there is a complex reason somewhere which can explain my participating in the flesh trade. Complexity, in this case, being a virtue . And so I start the search for the complex reason by looking at my Sexuality; from the time I was around eight years and used to sexually harass the boy sitting next to me in class, to the now, when I am harassed by men in hotel rooms.

48 comments:

  1. Complexity you say?
    wonderman

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  2. Interesting.At least you are honest about it.Maybe its something in your childhood.Maybe you are just searching for something.If there is no simple reason/explanation for someone as intelligent ,educated and self-aware as yourself to choose a career that is illegal,dangerous,de-humanizing ,risky and makes you in outcast in society,then there must be a complex reason. Aren't we all constantly on a journey to self-discovery and self-realization?Let us know when you find your complex reason.

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  3. well said sue...an attempt,can't wait to hear more from you.

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  4. someone answer this...hw possible is it to contract hiv from kissing??

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  5. tushauriane_online@yahoo.comFebruary 28, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    Your blog is addictive. I sense a tinge of guilt in your post today. This shows you are human. At least you have a definate fall back, writting once you choose a "formal 8 to 5 till 55" (I like the expression.

    Again may I suggest to NMG et al, this is a good writer.

    Sue sell this stuff for a movie/book - u'lll definately make something from it.

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  6. Sue i can relate with the complexity personally. may the search continue.

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  7. "Why?" is such a big question that people throw around casually and expect a complete answer in the 5 seconds of the attention they are willing to give. You are absolutely right, it is complex. A big part of the answer is not even within the realm of our awareness. Yet you have every right to be, to be here, to do what you do, to feel what you feel, to know, to not know, to have a reason, to not have reasons, to write, to think........... I love your blog.

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  8. I know why you became a prostitute. You became a prostitute so that you can write this blog. Personally i used to think that prostitutes can't write a proper text leave alone a blog.
    Here is a business idea for you, set up an escort company, who wouldn't want to be in the presence of young, pretty, scantily dressed women who can hold down a decent conversation, dance and arent shy about their sexuality

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  9. Please answer my question, I am trying to help.
    1. Did you grow up with both parents especially a father?
    2. Did any of them sexually harass you.

    It almost, always depends on your childhood...something must have happened.

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  10. @dy
    u read my mind lazima iko kitu ...someone messed u...with your introspective mind I don't expect u to live this way for long ...depression and guilt will definitely take hold of your soul...how will u cope?

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  11. Well, there are many of us who dont like an 8 to 5 job for sure and have opted other things; like been a freelance writer,consultant,business owner. i work from home, i run a catering company and love what i do. lots of options outthere to make a descent living.

    All the best

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  12. sue wanted to know between caucasians and
    africans who has the biggest dick?

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  13. People will always judge. Hello Sue.

    My name is Samira, am a graduate and a housewife. I get the same question everytime, people ask me ' why dont you get a job since your so educated' it is a crime to be educated and a housewife in Nairobi. I get it all the time. To be a housewife was a choice for me,am i am not ashamed of it. my day is full of different activities:

    6 am: wake up and go jogging
    7.30: meditate and shower listen to BBC
    8.30: Have a bowl of muesli and yoghurt while reading the paper
    9.00- 11 am : go for my pottery class, i am learning pottery, i love pottery, its the next best thing after cooking for me!

    11.30 to 2.30: put clothes in the washing machine,wipe the floors, water the pots,iron,clean any dirty dishes while listening to outlook on BBC
    3- 4pm: buy groceries and anyother item i need
    5 pm: start cooking, i love cooking. am addicted to cooking since i was a kid,( i make very nice lasagne by the way)
    6 pm- 9 pm: spent time with my hubby,have dinner,watch a documentary.
    10 pm: Have sex with my husband or reading a book, this week i am on my period so i have not had sex. i have been reading alot. I am currently reading a book by Michela Wrong ' I didn't do it for you'
    very interesting read. I love reading alot too, my favourite author is definately Alice Walker.


    Thats my life and i love it, i dont envy any woman that has to balance it all, i would not exchange my life for anything else. I have not earned money since i quit working three years ago, i saved a lot while employed and yes my husband gives me money once in a while

    most of my working buddies thought i went mad! for the first few months i used to get calls at 10 am and they would ask silly questions such as ' did i wake you up??" it was so annoying! most people assume that if your not in the office then you have no life. I think deep inside they envy my life. Most of them are divorcees, single women,frustrated married women.

    Sue , live your life, you dont have to explain yourself, people will never understand, i have been called Lazy, not focused, not ambitious, and it makes people mad that an MBA graduate is a housewife..........

    perhaps i should open a blog called
    ' KENYAN HOUSEWIFE BRANDING HERSELF' OR WHY I BECOME A HOUSEWIFE'


    Samira,
    Nairobi

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  14. Ahahahaha! Samira!! Nyc narration, loved it!! Nwy its hw u live ur life.

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  15. Sue, society doesn't *need* you to justify your choice; I'd rather guess average people assumes that it isn't easy for someone to have sex with strangers for money (not at first), so one would think that there would have to be some good reason for someone to do so.
    There sure is some good reason, whether it is related to surrounding circumstances or to what is your personal sphere I obviously don't know, but still.
    With women this is a recurrent issue; you try and figure what would be the best thing to say instead of just saying it like it is.
    From what you said, it is plain to see that life hasn't dished you out any major catastrophe that led you to the streets, so I'd guess it all boils down to your inner world...for some reason the person you've developed into found it *ok* to do so, and so you did.
    This reminds me of a girl I've had a love thing going on with...african girl, incidentally...she was nice and all but had some issues regarding how to relate and open up to me and what we had. In the end it became obvious, having heard of all the sad stories of abuse she had been victim of ever since she was a child, that she had no idea whatsoever of what love was other than what I showed to her.
    She never had a daddy that lifted her up in the sky as a child and told her she was the love of his life, her step-dad was a scumbag that molested her, escaped a rape by pure luck as a child, had been victim of a rape (got a child out of it) in her late teens, and all of her boyfriends turned out to be idiots and losers.
    No wonder she turned out to be such a dysfunctional character.
    Poor thing. It must be tough living in africa.
    By the way, thinking of it, I haven't heard you talking of love either.
    Some things might just be too personal to be voiced in public, even on a blog where people doesn't know who you are.
    Keep up the good work and good luck to you.
    Bless

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  16. Recent studies seem to suggest that prostitutes are genetic...they are born with the propensity to gravitate to this prostitution. There are women who are genetic prostitutes who do not become prostitutes but their lives are usually very unsettled and full of tension, untill they discover their "true calling".

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  17. @ Samira,i love your narration. not everybody will support you when you decide to turn an MBA into a house wife. but if you are happy, i ask why didn't you do it a little earlier? true happiness and satisfaction comes in very small quantities, and if you are lucky to have it your way, then grab the chance as fast as you can samira.though i have also to warn against arriving. many pple tend to arrive, and they don't have the desire spread their lives a little wider, and test waters. deep, shallow, salty, fresh, in lakes and in oceans. all the waters. now, that's happiness and satisfaction in living girlfriend! @ Sue many pple wonder why, but i ask why not? not all of us look forward to 8-5-55 kind of a lifestyle, especially not me. so, i think it should not be a tweeking issue.many times i have commented on this blog and said humanity is complicated. the hell we are. and very complicated for that matter. using sue's terms, we are complex beings. i don't ask myself questions like why sue? in fact, the only question that bugs me daily is why doesn't sue increase her articles to twice in a week? an anonymous follower questioned why sue has never talked of love and raised my eyebrows. has she ever been in love? true genuine love? simple yes/no questions. that also gets me wondering are those the right questions? for sue? and for this blog? sue here is trying to build a brand. i wonder is it a brand on her experiences as a sex worker,and her very curious view and understanding , on ethical issues, or is it a brand on sue the complex individual? As always sue, i love your blog and i love your writing.

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  18. simply put...you are a prostitute be cause you are one

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  19. @Samira, are you for real? Girl, your life sounds as boring as hell.. apart from the pottery bit but then i guess the point you were trying to make was, its your life. Indeed it is.

    @Sue, quit trying too hard and go back to being your natural self. The way you were when you begun this blog. I liked you then, but now i feel you are all about pandering to your readers. It takes a woman with guts to get fucked by strangers ever so often... Translate that back in your writing girl.

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  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  21. Why are all comments anon? Gal, me love your writing. About what you do, who am I to ask? I hate my 9-5, and my boss uses me to meet his org targets. In a way we all prostitute to something.

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  22. >sue and samira, i dont think you owe anyone an explanation on how you live your life, people may never understand your choices but you dont owe anyone any explanation, do your thing, you have your reasons.
    >sue, please give us more articles, i like logging in and find you have written something, am a fan

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  23. Karucy(media madness)March 3, 2011 at 10:52 AM

    @ Samira, my advice to you gal is that though you are happy now, one day you will regret because your man will cheat on you,start supporting you with an attittude,that time you will be fat and lacklustre and you wil always remember your parents advice,'NEVER LEAVE A JOB FOR A MAN,NO MATTER HOW PETTY THE JOB IS'

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  24. Hi Everyone,

    Thank you for your comments!


    Samira here. @karucy = i did not leave my job for a man, the reason i left was for my own piece of mind. i have survived on my own before i got married and i did just fine. I dont think i will be fat, i exercise every day ( am only 55 kgs, slim and firm) and i eat healthy.


    I do intend to support myself fully soon , i hope to turn one of my hobbies into a business.

    About my hubby cheating: what makes you think that he will cheat? not all men are cheaters. And i cannot stop him if he wants to cheat, he can cheat.it has nothing to do with me, afterall i am not his watchman. He knows i can survive on my own without him, its not like i cannot make a living for myself.


    enough said.

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  25. Sue, i love your voice, and how articulate your thoughts are. I confess i read the entire 14 episodes in one day, and have been dying to comment but just didnt want to be seen reading a prostitutes blog!...the hypocrisy of it all....

    When i first read your writing, i wept for you, i wanted to be your mother and hold you, and tell you that i love you. I wanted to just let you know that you will be alright...and help you... but it occured to me that maybe i needed the help...not you....

    Sorry for the long post..... But i have come to the conclusion that there are three classes of prostitute.....

    1st Class proper prostitute, is one who identifies herself as such. Needs not hide it, flaunts it, and dresses it and will not make any effort to apologize for being one.... I think you are this one, and i find myself respecting you more for it

    2nd class indisguise prostitute, is any woman who sleeps with a man that she is not married to, for the simple reason that she is in love with him.... Women who hop from bed to bed looking for love, and giving of themselves to easily, they prostitute themselves while looking for love...sadly many gals fall in this category...

    3rd class prostitute and the one i detest is any woman who sleeps with a man for upkeep, when she can very well maintain herself. this are the mistresses, side dishes, who dont necessarily think of themselves as prostitutes, but they do it for the money anyway......

    I believe in the sanctity of sex within marriage, and i think someday you will find a reason to have sex with only one man and be loved for who you are ...because at the very heart of who you are...you are beautiful and worthy of such love....

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  26. How come you opted for SJ as ur first stop?why not one of the known higher class hotels,like I dont know The Heron where people ply the same trade but earn much more?

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  27. Question is, are you happy? There is something called job satisfaction, it doesn't matter if you're an accountant or a nursery school teacher. Not many people are happy with their jobs, true, but some find that dream career/vocation. I don't think a prostitute is your dream career, judging (yes judging) from all the posts I've read.

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  28. @Maua I also asked why many 'commenters' are anon!

    And some are asking all kinds of silly questions, like if you can get HIV from kissing. The answer is no.

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  29. You don't have to justify your life and choices to your readers sue. I don't care to know who, what, where, why and all that shrink nonsense. Unless you are looking for help of some sort...?
    Am sure the majority of your readers, like me, check-in for the stories. Your side of life has been spat on, jeered and hated on for eons, usually by people battling their own issues and inadequacies. Let us hear (read) the story from the lion's mouth so to speak...

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  30. Samira i dont underderstand why you choose to waste your brilliant mind staying at home, its sounds pretty boring, you should be out there sharing your knowledge instead of staying at home doing duties which can be done by a house help.

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  31. I don't understand why people are second guessing Samira's decision to become a house wife. Different strokes for different folks, i always say! Do as you please Samira, and indeed not all men are dogs!

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  32. Lucky school boy getting sexually harassed in class. Hahaha, we'll take laziness as an answer thank you. :-P

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  33. your stories are chilling...experiences that few women would unleash..we were tempted to post them in kenyas top dating/marriage site www.lovepot.com but don't know how to reframe them...anyway, all the best.

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  34. guys, this blog is educative to many. Personaly am a BORN AGAIN CHRIST JESUS follower. And what am i doing on this blog? Yeah, HE came for the sick and not the well ones, and besides this lady here could have bn your dota or sis or mother or even wife!
    As 4 Samira, i like the lady. Shes ok and alrt. Nothing wrong with having an MBA n in the hse redefining and discovering oneself again taking care of a family the loveliest thing on this planet beside CHRIST! SAMIRA PLS FOLLOW MY BLOGS ON 'THE WAILING DAUGHTERS' same to Sue.l

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  35. Hey Sue,wonderwoman,karucy and the annoymous guys.

    Tis me, Samira the graduate modern housewife.. just wrote a poem about my many jobs, and they are jobs...., i hope kenyans will learn about who some of us are, so next time you think of a housewife dont assume that we are all lazy,fat and un educated.THINK AGAIN

    , i am glad i do have an MBA , I just completed developing a budget and savings plan for my household for the next three years,apart from that i am currently overseeing a house we are building in kiserian.

    a short poem about me:

    Samira the budget officer
    Samira the chef
    Samira the potter
    samira the house administrator
    samira the organiser
    Samira the ticketing agent
    samira,the project manager
    samira,the seducer
    samira,the gardner
    samira,the fitness lover
    samira,the decorator
    samira,the legalised prostitute (isnt marriage just another form of prostitution - a legalised one)
    samira, the phenominal woman
    thats me!!

    that is just half of my many jobs...how many do you have? just one i guess, an 8- 5 job. well mine starts at 5 and ends at 12...so who works harder? if you got nothing to say shut the f###k up.

    [:>

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  36. Have you thought maybe you do this because its not boring. And you are looking for something I don't know what it is only you can answer that but your searching for something? Or clarifying something? It seems to me more like an anthropology/psychology exercise..Hmm don't know. But am sure if you keep writing and getting feedback from people through their comments it will come to you.

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  37. As a person living in a civilized society we tend to believe in virtue and vice. That is to say we believe that what society says is acceptable is a virtue and what society says is unacceptable is a vice. Now whether so society bases this on religion, social mentality or the law is a whole other story. My point is, the comments have been pretty clear in expressing how wrong they think your line of work is and many people have clearly not accepted your explaination. To all of you who haven't accepted Sue's explaination, its probably because it isn't one. I don't really see a stressor that pushed her into this and thats ok. Sometimes you try something just once and you like what it is or how it makes you feel. Sometimes its just knowing that it's something you can do very well or at the very least not fail at. The allure of something can come in so many ways, shapes or forms. As long as something makes you happy and or at the very least happy to the extent that you can do it with a smile on your face. Then really isn't that good enough :-) Do your thing luv. I wish you all the best and i hope you can do it for as long as you want to and it keeps you happy for as long as you want it to. Anyway those are just MY thoughts.
    *2 cents.... OUT!

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  38. Sue,
    As I read this, i feel sad because, you seem reasonable. Working brings dignity to a human, its our way of giving back[as in work] n also survival in most cases.

    I have alot of questions though, I wonder, was there a mentor? Did you try to date some boys from your class perhaps? Have you ever been loved, treasured, placed on a pedestal by anyone? Even by your parents? I dare to ask, who's your daddy?

    I feel pain actually, you are intelligent and have above average education but are prostituting bcos you feel like it. Do you have friends? do you think anyone cares that you are out with strangers? and when you get this dream husband, will you be capable of loving him n trusting him?

    I have come accross some old sermons from Mavuno church that speak about our fathers, please care to check them out, you might find something useful http://vimeo.com/15935020

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  39. We are who we are for so many reasons. I defend murderers and all sorts of criminals for a living !! I go to court every day knowing my client is guilty as sin but i bust my ass to get them freed, i have no "deep" reason why i do what i do but i still do it because it pays the bills! Sue do what you do, it sorts the bills. Samira, i think being a housewife is the toughest job in the world but you are proud of what you do. At the end of the day, it is not what we do but who we are that defines us.
    Kym G

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  40. at least you are honest ......like the way you narrate...

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  41. But what about the reality of male domination? Okay, everyone will want to boo me here because they think I am not supporting you Sue. BUT, unless there is a wholesale change in the meanings ascribed to sex for hire, then it will perpetuate the idea of the woman as a means for men to feel themselves powerful. And so far, few men are doing good with their power.

    You are brave to post your foray into forbidden lands. I understand it as research.

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  42. Question is here, what makes an ascari, a cleaner, a waitress to choose their profession? Don't think these jobs are very stimulating for the mind, yet nobody would dare to ask. Is it just because the prostitute is socially frowned upon? Ridiculous - in a society that is more and more dominated by services this is a choice like any other choice and finally there are always second and third careers....

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  44. Hi Sue,

    From majority of the posts here one thing is clear society is some form of "herd mentality".Look at sheep(please note am not calling anyone a kondoo) but am using them as an example and there is no big kondoo like the human being.

    Why do I say this?? simple why does it take just one sheep herder and a dog to control a very large number of sheep?the herder is the master while the dog is the police.If one sheep tries to leave the herd the dog runs barks very viciously and the sheep goes back to the herd.

    Now humanity has evolved to the point where we do not need the dog to police rather we police ourselves.

    Now Sue has left the herd yet most of us according to how society has programed us we find this very upsetting and we want her to go back to the herd you know the boring 8am-5pm etc etc
    Why did Sue become a prostitute? well she said she really does not have a specific answer unlike most who are in the same trade for the usual reasons like poverty, abuse etc why cant we just accept her answer and not try and change her.
    We all know prostitution is the oldest profession in the planet and using economics demand and supply. Surely if there was no demand i guess Sue would be doing something very different.

    Am not going to judge you Sue life is what you make it. Keep this blog up

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  45. Hey sue...where did you go? I cried reading this. You're definitely an old soul.

    Tim

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