Episode 21: Role Playing

Most human beings have one form or another of eccentricities. However because we get to hear only of the oddities of the famous we think ourselves perfectly normal. Yet there are many things we do which may be considered as pecularities. But we don't think of them as such because to us they are normal. Its debatable whether the word normal loses meaning when defined by an individual as opposed to the larger society. I have never thought any of my actions as freaky until some few days ago when someone suggested some of the things I do are strange.

Like everyone in college I had dreams of a good job. I used to very specific which particular companies I  wanted to work for. The first was Zimele Asset Management where I was to be analyst. The second was Safaricom where I imagined working in product development. Then there was Y & R where I figured I could be a copywriter. And there was the World Bank, there I was not sure what I wanted to do. By the time I got to my fourth year I had stopped dreaming. My dreams hadn't been quashed but I had started developing some, let me call it open minded, philosophy. With the open minded thinking I felt, correctly or not, I had life by the balls.

A few weeks on the streets I started wondering, not in regret or remorse, what would have happened if I had ended up working in those companies. I became a little obsessed with the the thoughts. The result is that nowadays (& for the last two years), at least twice a month, I pretend or actually believe and as act as if I am not a prostitute. Such evenings I dress in what I think a female analyst at Zimele Asset Management dresses in. Then I go to the bars where I think she would have a drink. I sit there imagining  how my day in the office was, analyzing the money market and securities. When its Y & R I create and recreate advertisements in my head.

The days I pick to play these roles are random and on such  I don't step on the street. Rather after a few drinks I go home to 'prepare' for the next working day. Its a rather costly exercise for me. The drinks the successful young working women take are expensive. The bars they visit classy, serene and comfortable places.( My favorite being off Waiyaki Way). I am blind to these costs and willingly spend. When the urge to become a product developer at Safaricom comes and I have no money I get into a state of frustration, I lose my concentration and become a little edgy. I am not able to summon the energy to go to the street until the urge disappears.

I know the role playing may sound futile and outlandish, but in the short list of things that make my life full it ranks highly. The first person I told about it was my gynecologist during my regular monthly check up last week. I mentioned it as a by-the-way. I was surprised by how shocked she was. She even suggested I should be seen by a psychiatrist friend of hers. I laughed. I have no mental problems. I know what I am doing & at no one time have I ever imagined it as bizarre.

Yet beyond the feeling of satisfaction I have no logical explanation for my acting. But this could be one of the things that beats logic. I am okay with the way I live presently. I don't really aspire to live the lives I act. It's not a fantasy but simply I am happy to experience the career life in my own way.

That said there are some complications with my role playing. Normally when I go to the classy places I sit alone smoking, taking some white wine or better still shots of  Jack Daniels. Of course as a copy writer I am thinking of the customer's brief requiring an advertisement that resonates with men but doesn't feature gorgeous women. But generally I want to avoid conversation. I am confident and knowledgeable enough to hold small talk about any topic but what if someone asks where I work and I mention a company where he or she works?  That however is a small matter, an awkward moment which I can get away with using some charm. The bigger risk is that under the influence of strong drink one says things they should not. And the more I drink the more my prostitution instincts become sharpened as much as I may wish to tame them in such situations....(Will continue with this...)








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( Well I know of late I don't post as often as I used to do. One or two things. My computer almost died last week & its being resuscitated.  I am not very okay working from a cyber cafe. If I am to believe the technician the computer should be working by end of the day. Also I have been recording a series of podcasts, slightly different from the content of the blog because when talking thoughts & memories flow in a special way...I will have the podcasts ready soon.. 

As for me getting an editor, being more vivid in terms of setting and character etc, perhaps later in a when I can invest more time and money in this or if I ever decide to do something more concrete, say write a book. At the moment I am okay with the way the brand is growing. Thanks for all the comments, criticism, feedback and yeah business leads. I appreciate them all. )