Monday, July 18, 2011

Episode 37: Unhappy? Maybe Yes

Someone dropped me an email saying I am an unhappy prostitute. That reading all I have on this blog she saw nothing that hints at joy. I don’t talk of laughter and the few times I talk of happiness its in passing as if it is something not important in my life. The lady implied my blog rather than building a brand is a 'sad commentary' of a cheerless, heartbreaking life.  Well, I was not aware that my writing gives the impression of a totally unhappy person. But then what is the true position? Am I unhappy?

A significant source of happiness in any career is in doing what one enjoys. I do enjoy what I do, but I have to admit not as immensely as I used to say a year ago. What has changed? As I implied in the introduction of my ebook, I may have reached some sort of plateau. A point where I feel there is not much more to conquer, and if there is I am yet to figure it out. This is the point where you changes careers, else your productivity starts diminishing until to a point where the company needs you no more. I don't operate in such a formal structure, but for sure my productivity is down, and my employer may soon not need me. The problem is this is a career which has swallowed me; I don’t feel like quitting until I am literally laid down. In light of this I will acknowledge I am not as happy as I used to be.

Although I still have lots of interesting and rather challenging mental games with men, I don't clap when I triumph, neither do I grieve unnecessarily when I fail. I mean I have lost most of the emotions which come with winning and losing. I need new worlds to conquer. Certainly I know  that there is so much depth and complexity in my kind of work; I couldn’t have overcome everything there is. I just need to redefine my goals and the joy of triumph and pain of loss will possibly come back to me. Still I wouldn’t say I am an unhappy girl, but rather happy in a very plain way, like Meg, that girl in Family Guy.

What about the other kind of happiness? The obvious haha type? Each day I am on the street a girl will crack a joke or give an anecdote that will make me laugh, sometimes till I shed tears. But there is a hollowness and predictability in such humor. My laughter at such times is almost the kind Langston Hughes said was laughing to keep from crying. And this has nothing to do with the crude nature of the humor, but something about is not genuinely ticklish. It’s the same for clients with rusty jokes. That said once in a while I get a man who tickles me and I experience a good honest laugh. Like a man I was with recently. When I was on my fours he said “Why are you moaning? You should bark"

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I have answered some of the questions I have been asked. Click on the Ask Me page above to read.


-For those who have requested my ebooks and I have not gotten back to them, I will do that by the end of the day tomorrow. Many regrets for the delay. I am also working overtime to reply all my email and Facebook messages.


-Click the Ebooks page above to request for books.


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Twitter: @suenairobi
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29 comments:

  1. You should be barking... LOL
    Even if you switched careers what would you do?

    ReplyDelete
  2. This was interesting."I just need to redefine my goals".I'm not saying whores don't have goals..but what are your career goals exactly?Starting up a brothel, selling sex toys,porn.see where i'm going with this??.Are u thinking of making a kenchick franchise of your so called "Career"?,it is a means to an end? or a sexual twitch which you have to justify as being a whore...

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  3. Atleast you've compensated for being m.i.a last week last week

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  4. I think instead of quitng da 'career' u luk 4 a promotion under da xame vein of duty eg overall trainer,advisor n supervisor of recruitesda xame vein of duty eg overall trainer,advisor n supervisor of recruites

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  5. "a point where you changes careers, else your productivity starts diminishing until to a point where the company needs you no more" - brilliantly said.

    I am at such a stage in my life (always have been, in fact). When I was in uni and in high school people would always ask me why do you look so sad? I decided to smile more when I see people. Now some people ask me "You look happy all the time!" It's because they're not with me all the time.

    I once emailed you before and you emailed me back. But I guess you're too busy now with blogging. I haven't read your blog for a while because of lack of updates that I received. I guess I'll subscribe to your blog then for email updates.

    ReplyDelete
  6. As nature has it, and as you put, it will reach a point where you will be irrelevant in the streets, your body wont be able to take it any longer. So what is your back-up plan when such a time reaches?

    As you earlier mentioned, you do say The Mea Culpa, Hail Mary and Guardian Angel Prayer so this means you are a believer, then why practice what you do yet it goes against all Christian teachings?

    And lastly, ever thought of relocating to another country where prostitution is legal and the prostitutes there lead very wealthy lives, of-course in addition to making quite heavy cash out of it?

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  7. hahaha...ati bark lyk a dawg!! lazima alikuwa na deki ndogo sana.
    hebu write about the various sizes of dicks that have entered your cave..hahaha.hahaha...ati bark lyk a dawg!! lazima alikuwa na deki ndogo sana.
    hebu write about the various sizes of dicks that have entered your cave..hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
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  9. I just need to redefine my goals. said like that sue it sounds so easy yet so hard. our goals are always so near yet so far a away from us sometimes.. or the opposite. so far away yet so near. i feel you gal, and as always i love your blog.

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  10. Shoot this whore and all in Town!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. "I don't clap when I
    triumph, neither do I grieve
    unnecessarily when I fail" I do luv the way u play with word's!!!thumb up when I fail" I do luv the way u play with word's!!!thumb up

    ReplyDelete
  12. U remember the small GIDEON BIBLE, pliz u can get rédemption. JESUS DIED for u and me. Lets not overlook.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I agree with the person who said that you sad... go through your posts and read them they are just sad... not what you expect from diaries of a prostitute

    ReplyDelete
  14. yep try jesus, i think mary magdeleen might have beat u to the punch though

    ReplyDelete
  15. you people talk about Christ yet you walk in sin...mnafanya nini hapa mkisoma story za upoko?you people talk about Christ yet you walk in sin...mnafanya nini hapa mkisoma story za upoko?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Could you tell us a bit about the cocks you get, or if you've written about them before, give the link?
    Does size matter to you? How big was the biggest one you got? Did it hurt? How about the rather small ones? Do you find them dull and lackluster?

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sue, i agree with this lady...your posts are rather sad of late, people like to read about juicy stuff, stuff that makes you horny while reading...like what do men like? hairy or shaved, do u like big or small dicks? do you come? do you enjoy? have you ever encountered 'big politicians?' and Sue...please open a brothel or an escort service make big money out of this...

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  18. Sasa wewe, kama nikuboeka na kazi, who is not? Everyone is bored at one point or another of their life/job. You think these f*ckers you see around with regular jobs are happier than you? Shock on you!

    ReplyDelete
  19. "Sue" is not any more real than Harry Porter is. We have had writers like Damon Runyon who wrote so convincingly of the New York underworld in the thirties yet he was a respectable journalist. Same with Mario Puzo of the Godfather fame yet he himself was no mafioso. All these including "Sue" are just good writers talented in prose. That is no reason not to enjoy their stories though.

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  20. I would not say your writing is sad rather a stark unalderated view of the circumstances in which you live in..most of us like to view our lives with rose coloured glasses yet it is more dampening than sue's writing view of the circumstances in which you live in..most of us like to view our lives with rose coloured glasses yet it is more dampening than sue's writing

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  21. Question: Are you willing to sleep with me, one whole night for 20,000 cash? Pls Answer.....for that much money i would need it in all positions.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Today I read some about 'The Happy Hooker: My own story - Xaviera Hollander' n' sometimes listen to 'The Intimate Adventures of a london call girl - Belle de Jour', the later of whom I'm inclined to believe is your mentor.. All of whom have something in common, they are much older than you, have traveled quite abit, enjoyed whoring (the same path you've chosen) and are rich; rich enough to 'stand-up' infront of the cover of anonymity and proclaim... It is I

    I'm not for self destructive behavior, quite the contrary.. I frown at such but... Whether or not these 'ladies' knew the 'paths' their lives would take, I don't know; what I see is that you've chosen it... a path of kiss-n-tell, the only thing I see missing, that is from the 'ladies' above, is travel.

    Take your P n' routine elsewhere, sample the delights that the East African community has to offer.. sampling Tanzanian d!kc, Ugandan Kachivali, Rwandan waters, even the new South Sudan dinka d!kc.. take a plane n' peddle your sorry a** in dubai, honk kong... the free markets, you must have some money saved up somewhere. All the while writing about your travels.

    N' once you get your modjo back, come and thank me.. I could do with a good fcuk

    ReplyDelete
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