Friday, January 21, 2011

Episode 11: Of Coming Out Of The Closet

I will digress a little today and write about a thing or two that has happened since I started this blog about two weeks ago. I have received quite a number of emails from people who want to meet me both for personal, business and activism purposes. And other mail from people who wish to know whether I am for real. I find them all funny and interesting.

Well the reason some people doubt my existence on the streets is supposedly because I express myself in 'proper' English and show some sense of 'intelligence'. Quite some basis for the doubts. A prostitute is assumed to be a little daft. Just like the thief, she is the loser who opts to go for the shortcut rather than confront life's challenges head on, like decent people do. To some extent there is truth in this, the same way there is some hypocrisy in it, but that is a story for some other day. Of course there are some of us who are quite slow; Those who even shrub their own names;Calo instead of Carol. But there are others too, as those of you have interacted with us know, who will speak the 'proper' English, with even a twang and sparkling of french.

From my interaction most of us are educated at least up to form two. Then there are those who have reached form four but not gone to college. Then there are a few, by street standards, who are educated to college and perhaps university level. Unfortunately or fortunately on the streets the education level doesn't matter much; its your body that is key. Somehow we are all the same; those with primary certificates or degree certificates. Those who didn't clear their primary schools are not looked down upon by those who have been to campus. And vice versa. I mean irrespective of our education we are all doing the same thing.

Ability to show use 'proper' English and show some 'intelligence' is not a good authentic measure. And so is possession of 'deep thinking'. Most of us, educated or not, have developed some  personal philosophy; a view of the world unique only to our personal selves. Even for those of us who cant express ourselves in 'proper' English they can do so in their mother tongue, and since their thoughts are real and non conforming they would be said to be 'deep'. And yes we are tech savvy. We talk about Facebook and are addicted to Love Find Me.

I have toyed with the idea of coming out in the open. I actually want to meet some of those who hve asked to see me and I will. Other than for the girls I work with, and my clients, only one or two other people know what I actually do. My parents, who luckily moved to the village, have no idea and so does any of our family members.  I use some alibis. I even have some business cards, with my name, from the company at the airport where I work . I have been lucky none of my relatives have ever picked me from the streets, like it has happened to some.

I feel it will be a little awkward to come out in the open. Meeting someone from the 'decent' world and start talking about what I do. The sympathy, the hatred, the patronizing, being put on the defense and all other things that might come up. And what will I gain out of it? Perhaps more customers you know. I am waiting for that psychological leap to help me do it, and sure to get it  will happen very soon.

I also fear when I become brave enough to say to the decent people I am a prostitute, I will find myself telling my parents the truth. A truth that will imprison, rather set me free


  1. my advice to you sue is to visit a church as many times as possible and just watch God improve your soul. Why am i saying this? Am God's prophet and God has told me to ask you to have faith and fight the urge to prostitute since you have gifts that can be used to lift you from the hole you are in. We say heaven rejoices when a lost soul finds its way back to God. Your cry has been heard, you have searched and finally the lord has heard your cry dont allow yourself to be devalued coz you are better than all women or men who appear pure and hide skeletons in the cupboard performing weird acts under the veil of secrecy. You know this and am sure your soul's intellectual capacity is dwindling the more you prostitute!!!

  2. The blog is lovely, having interacted with prostitutes for years I must say you know what you are talking about and if it is fiction then you are a genius I'm now a new fun. You remind me of eleven minutes by Paulo Cohelo a kind of spiritual guide of mine. In truth there is a lot of hypocrisy that surrounds the trade and I far much prefer this kind that you practice which is out of a choice trade either by circumstance whether economic or otherwise. Rather than the kind that goes on in Asia where a kid is sold when young and has to work for her freedom. I remember there is a time in asia when I visited a brothel there were kids around but I made sure to choose an adult 25 she was but then when we got to the room she was quite submissive but then the blank stare of her eyes got the better of me we never had sex that night but we talked she was from Nepal sold as a child and had to pay back her debt the is the sad side of your trade when it becomes organized under a mafiaso. I also gather you are a fun of literature you said you never know where you will be in five years, I being an avid reader I would advise you start writing maybe around this blog or any other story but write you should. I must also add that I have toyed around with the idea of writing but never got beyond a chapter, you are doing well with this blog keep on.
    Good luck with everything,
    Bada Lingam.

  3. Great work, you can already see there are those with scathing remarks about you, but that's life, people will always think what they think,...My interest is piqued because you clearly are intelligent, I am guessing you would like to grow, my question is do you want to grow into the proffession or something else entirely?,...and as much as Kenyans are yet to be liberated,...or not,...there is a different breed altogether who would pay top dollar for your services,refined as they are, so why not? and last but not least, do you ever get female clients?..

  4. absolutely brilliant stuff. Just come from visiting a prostitute and gave her a tip after reading your blog

  5. No. Don't come out of the closet. Remain there. All the magic will be gone. You'll never be free to write freely without watching over your back. Going dark is better. Why kill the mystery? Keep going Sue.

  6. Well as I was saying,I tend to walk past all your colleagues in Koinange St.So it would be nice to say hi and have a friendly chat before going on to Madhouse.I am interested to know why you don't go to places like Simmers,Madhouse and Black Diamond? A good idea for your next instalment maybe.

  7. Guys this is not who you think it is. It is actually not even a woman. It is a guy who is a journalist in one of the papers. So take it for the entertainment value.

  8. From what I see in the newspapers I highly doubt any of our local journalists could write this well.Why don't you name 'him'? Even if that's the case it can't be a man. But whatever this one of the most talented and brilliant writers & social we have in Kenya. Keep up Sue.

  9. Excellent writing.....please tell us more about yourself. What drove into prostitution? If economic, is the money that good.

  10. For what its worth your blog here has led to an increase in 'business' along Koinange Street; Prostitutes there must be going gaga trying to figure out who this 'Sue' is, whom everyone keeps asking for :-) N' I'd bet your money making organ too that the most common name on that red-light street is 'SUE'!

  11. Just found your blog through a link on a friends blog.

    I have just read through the last few posts and am hooked. Keep writing and expect a few trolls who will come and insult you but keep writing.

    There is nothing to gain from coming out of the closet.

  12. I'm a bit disappointed. What started off as a fun blog is slowly turning into what seems more and more like a philosophical tool. I'm pretty certain that I would enjoy a discussion with Sue (men look away now) probably even as much or even more than a midnight romp with Sue (yes Thomas, yes I sed et!). But her opinions on the philosophy of sin (and I have some very passionate opinions on that topic) and her musings on her place in society seem to be slowly taking a more central role as her escapades get thrown to the periphery. I get this crushing feeling that her actual actions on the streets may soon become nothing more than occasional props for yet another philosophical argument. It is the formula great pieces of art are made of (Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged quickly springing to mind here) but it is just not working for me. :-(
    How selfish of you Sue. How selfish of you to ignore my needs for cheap entertainment just so you can provoke people's thoughts. I feel betrayed.

  13. Just realised that one of my sentences up there was insensitive to Gay Nairobi Man. My apologies. Correct that to read, "...with Sue (straight* men look away now)..."

    It is getting harder and harder to give a politically correct comment these days.

    BTW, this blog FTW!

  14. Hi Sue, it looks like you got a lot of interest since I featured your blog in this post:

    I am just hoping you do look a bit like the picture I posted there...

    Interesting writing you do, and great discussions!

  15. Interesting. Though I also wonder, do you want to be a prostitute for life?

  16. intresting pieces,brazen and thought provocking.i don't think coming out will be of much benefit,society is still hypocritical on the topic of prostitution.

  17. @Eazy,
    No offense taken and don't worry about being PC.

    With a Moniker like mine, I guess it goes with the territory.

    Back to the topic at hand, this blog is on fire and is now being discussed on twitter

  18. Sue, I will again say it, you need Jesus. All of us have a story to our lives & being a prostitute does not exempt you from having been created with a God-ordained purpose. Like the anonymous writer of the 1st comment, please go to church, seek the face of God, He will restore everything that you have lost while on the streets. The Bible says, the truth will set you free. Indeed it will set you free, what you are right now is caged. Try will be restored. You are a star, with great potential and you will rise above your past in Christ Jesus. I pray for you, that it shall be well with you.

  19. Hi Sue, I am a christian and i'll tell you that I love your blog. I think I love it more because you're real and this shows in the way you tell your story. Ignore those anonymous people 'preaching' to you.. its evident that they don't come from a point of love as they only seek to 'change' you. They seem to think that you have a problem but in fact, it is they who have a problem. I'll encourage you to continue telling your story, because it belongs to you and to no other person. Whether fiction or fact, you're a good writer with a story to tell and i'll be reading your blog. Kudos girl. Its a good thing to have shows that people are taking note of your blog. On a lighter note, is Cheupe for real?

  20. Hey, Gay Nairobi Man. Thanks for the licence. BTW, I'm pretty certain you must be having it rough in Nairobi. We are still lagging behind on gay rights. For whatever little it may be worth here's one Kenyan that has nothing against gays. Ok, maybe I feel a bit jittery when my gay friends get overtly touchy, but that has more to do with my homophobic upbringing than it does to do with my actual convictions.

  21. Best reading ever. Keep up the good work

  22. Eazy, your posts are almost as refreshing as Sue's.

    Loving it……..can't stop reading it.

  23. lol! This for you Sue, you also crack me up.

    yours fully GAY!


  24. Thanks Anon. Much thanks to Sue for this blog.

  25. @wanja,
    I have been reading most of the feedback on this most interesting blog when it hit me, where are the women? Is it that Sue forces us to look at that dark side that we'd rather disown? (dark side= every woman with a P sells it one way or another. So it is indeed POINTLESS looking down on the likes of Sue who sell it on a daily basis). Or as i like to put it, show me a woman with a functioning uterus that calls another a whore and i assure you she is a bona-fide idiot. Wouldnt that same woman sell her body if she had a starving child?

    Anyway, when i read your comment i was like "Well Put"! Thats all i wanted to tell you...

  26. U are a brave lady. To come out or not, wat do you feel, will you be able to live with yourself and all the ridicule that society will heap on you? I must say you will never be fully prepared for our reactions. I am Jesus freak so i think you shd try him, he hasnt let me down, and i have done some horrible things in my life. I had an affair with a married relative, and yes, i did come out and told my parents...yes they were mad, angry, wanted him dead, blamed it all on him, but i played a part....back to the issues here...and while some jaws will drop and say rather a prostitute than sleep with a relative! I ask you wat is the difference??? Jesus taught me sin is sin. It doesnt varry in degrees. So Sue, i think this is a positive step, and if you will let him, and talk to him like you would a loving to him. Best of luck, i know it may take a while, but it sure will happen, just make the decision.

  27. Hi Sue,

    I personally do not blame you, it is a very strange world we live in, more so in Kenya. I am an educated grad student and a hustler - just like you girl!

    let me say i was not one of the lucky ones to get proper paying jobs. Living in this so called 'third world' i am unable to apply for unemployment benefit.

    i then though of starting a business, which i did. It was an events company...anyway that did not go well, because to do an events you need customers,contacts. I realised that the system was just to corrupt! two major events company in nairobi have contacts with the majority of the companies for event functions. ispent alot of my own savings to do this and it hurt.When the business did not pick up i went into deep depression. I then started making and selling samosas,chapatis,cakes and went round to offices to sell. What a humiliation it was, i met many people i was in school with who are now managers.I then hired a young lady to go round and do that, it turned out to be a complete nightmare.When i tried to open a banda by the road side it was demolished by the city council,when i tried to rent a small stall,they ask for crazy rent! i live and sell from my tiny sq.I do get some money from my elder sibling but it is not much, it is more like an allowance as she herself was recently employed.

    I am sure you had done your very best,and believe me i do not blame you.

    i even contemplated applying for a cooking job in a hotel or as a househelp but will have to act as a high school drop out and hide the fact that i am a graduate

    and the struggle continues......

  28. Mrembo,

    There is hope - Great hope. I would like to encourage you to STOP because you can. God made you for a better purpose in Life.

    I suggest that you read some articles at

    Look for:

    *How To Commit Your Life To Christ
    *I Do What I Hate (Romans 7:14-25)
    *Healing The Soul
    *Seeking The Face Of God

    And aslo "You can stop sinning"

    Sue - You are living in SIN and God Hates Sin. God WILL NOT TOLERATE SIN but he is a Loving God, he will forgive you WHEN you repent because I know you will.

    I would be willing to be involved in getting more help for you in dealing with your very sad situation.

    May Jesus Bless You.


  29. It's safe to say the "Christians" have found you (and us by extension) and will soon be loading your page with random Bible verses which quite frankly is irritating to say the least.
    While your predicament is complicated - because I can't for the life of me imagine, I won't judge. I went out on "the streets" for a pick up the other day (I'm female) I must say I quite enjoyed it although I ended up talking and nothing more! I was as peculiar as they come and at first none of the girls wanted to come along. I must saying the initial calling out "sweetie" and banging on windows was a bit frighting but I enjoyed myself. And yes, I do have friends but these fake affectionate relationships can be quite the bore!

    It's interesting this life, and as someone who considers herself to be liberal I just believe that If you've made peace with yourself, that's what is crucial.

  30. I found your blog while doing research for a project on prostitution in urban Nairobi and I've never had a better source. Your writing is wonderful, and I've gotten a lot of girls from my class (Americans who are spending the semester in Kenya) to start following your posts. Keep up the amazing work.

    As a fellow blogger and someone who has "come out" in a different way, I'd say always weigh the risks to your personal life against how important this part of yourself is to your identity. I came out because I realized that no one could really "know me" without knowing I was queer. I have no idea if you feel that way, but I think it's a good gauge.

    On another note, I know you did an interview for a website recently- if you are at all interested in giving your take on the various ways prostitution operates in Nairobi, please contact me on my blog- it's a safe space. I'd love for you to write a guest article or to just do an email/chat interview.

    If not, please keep up the good work. I'll be following you long after I leave Nairobi- your work is a refreshing take on an industry that no one takes the time to understand.

    All the best,

  31. I have just been thinking.Your command of English is impressive.I fall in the category of really a call girl?Loving your work.Hoping your relative doesn't pick you up.

  32. @Yesumob are you sure you are not headed to hell for some of the things you do in private or in public.Its amazing that those who condemn would never help a poor person or anyone for that matter.
    Just like she says everyone has a reason they do what they do and a prayer is what you can offer.Condemnation I doubt as they say you can catch more flies with Honey than vinegar

  33. rock on gal! u are doing us proud

  34. Ahh LiberalL
    A pleasure to be in your company.

  35. Sex sells. Interestingly enough... Sue does not appear to be a prostitute in my opinion but well vast in the industry. This is a very good read and I appreciate the comments as they are worth reading. I feel that the targeted readership is those who appreciate an intelligent and well written story. I feel that whether or not she is a prostitute, this is a very talented writer. Sue should consider writing books and make a living out of the sales. Great writing!!! Great Read!!!

  36. Sue, Have you heard of 'The Caine Prize for African Writing? If yes, please consider submitting some of your work into the competition, if not, I urge you to still consider the option. I am a journalist (female) and can tell you for sure that you can use your creative writing talent to pursue something bigger (if you wish)...perhaps this is the breakthrough you have been looking for (or not)? Whichever the case, I still feel that you should keep up with your writing, and also consider the 'Caine' options as well as putting this into a book. I can assist where possible.

  37. Hi Sue,
    My English in not as good as yours, but I'll try to tell you something. I believe that you are much more useful for the society and mankind than those priests or clergymen, both in job and soul. You are a very clever person, despite continuing your job or cutting it, I believe you can be more useful preserving your anonymity rather than showing herself to those (so called) decent men. They want to make you useless as themselves by persuading you to uncover your identification. Go on writing, some one must tell the details of harsh world of prostitution to the humanity.

  38. Wow is all i can say. what a great piece of literary writing. what makes me gap is th fact that i know not 4 sure if u are a prostitute or an intelligent person giving us a look into th much ridiculed part of society. two things though___stay in th closet and your blog is th best. ave seen fake priests and prophets here n like a lady said they want to change u-typical of men. what they fail to understand is th person. yes, christ had a soft spot for a prostitute but we saw no judgement in his voice, no condemnation, no ridicule-but quoting from this book at th feet of christ-th prostitute waited for th stones but felt none. she looks up n saw love care compassion in th eyes of christ. th words he'd written on th ground-her sins-were miraculously erased by th wind a symbolism of forgiveness as he said go and sin no more. an open option. do wat you want but sin no more. no church offered no prayers no fasting no sacrifice. all christ took was th willingness of heart to reconcile with God and he forgave. again i love your blog stay safe

  39. Eazy, you slay me! LMAO!

  40. @Gay Nairobi Man Now WTF are you doing here??????

  41. I know you your name starts with a W

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  43. Coming out of the closet may set you free in a way but the magic of this blog will vanish as soon as you do that, what makes this blog special is the fact that we don't know who you are and we might never know, also please remember that not everyone will treat you in a kind manner when you reveal your identity, think of your safety as a person too, after all prostitution is far from being legal yet.
    Much love Sue.

  44. You can lie to other people but can't lie to yourself, i loved the secret diary of a call girl series. Not because of the occasional sex scene, the amount of money exchanging hands or even the fact that i would hit on any of those girls in a heartbeat but because the girl didn't lie to herself. She may have stumbled a few times but she never had to justify what she does.

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